I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
