yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
