quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
