you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
