You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
