porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
