But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
