apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
