I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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