So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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