Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
