Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
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You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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