It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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