the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
