I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
