My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I met the friendliest cop last night
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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