sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
