Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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