Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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