I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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