we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
