Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
