I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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