she was so not down for the gang bang
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
