thus making me awesome and them whores
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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