dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
