I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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