i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
