I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
