That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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