I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
