Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
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