I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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