It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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