you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
