Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
