The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
