I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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