I am in a vortex of obligation.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
