she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
