Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
