it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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