we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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