is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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