i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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