Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
