We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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