I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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