If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
