Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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