your thong is hanging out like whoa
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
