I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
