talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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