I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
