Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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