If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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