I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
