chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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