Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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