This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
