I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
