4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
