I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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