i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
there is puke in my bra ... again
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
