If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Small penises have feelings too.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
