I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
