Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize