I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am available for nakedness
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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