I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
